Most of us have done it, at some point in our lives. Difference is, no one really wants to talk about it. It is a very private thing. Especially if the experience was…less than enjoyable. I don’t mean the fumblings of young lust in the back of a car, less enjoyable- I had something a bit darker in mind. The day I arrived at Ft Carson, Colorado for my first permanent party station in the Army, I was a mark…I just didn’t know it at the time.
What I remember about that arrival was the pure wonder of a young girl seeing the magic of the mountains for the first time, after just enjoying her first ever commercial flight on a huge Delta airplane, gliding into Colorado Springs and thinking the mountains looked so close! I immediately fell in love with the place and could not wait to get this new chapter in my life started, even though I was a bit nervous as well. This wasn’t basic training, or AIT anymore, this was the big time. My permanent duty station, it could mean anything from a nine to five type job in a medical facility to going off to war. More than likely it meant getting stuck working in the tool cage and learning how to fix army vehicles, but I’d find that out much later.
Here is where I would be tested, on everything from how I managed the cold weather to using what I had learned in basic and AIT (for me that was kind of a basic medical school) and applying it in the field. Unfortunately, upon arrival and after checking in to my new duty station, I discovered my new company was about to ship out to California for some kind of desert training. On top of that, I was injured and got to start my first month on light duty due to the fact I was stuck in a cast from my shin to my thigh. My knees had a nasty habit of dislocating at the slightest turn and I was recovering from the latest in a long line of those occurrences. Still, my top sergeant was kind and felt sorry for me and assigned me a cush job when we got to Ft Irwin.
While in California, in fact, the whole time in the military so far, it was as though virgin was written on my forehead or something, men seemed to look at me as some sort of challenge they needed to conquer. I had so far maintained my status as a card-carrying virgin, although it had not been easy. I had experienced many close calls, always hearing my Dad’s voice in the back of my head that I should not give myself away until I was married, not to mention my own voice saying “Don’t do it, you’ll be seen as a slut.” Yet I was young and wild and free and the feeling of freedom was as intoxicating as heroin and I was addicted. Still, nothing had changed my status until we got back to base in Ft Carson.
I had previously been wined and dined and had gone out on many dates, treated like a lady and had been made to feel special in several different scenerios…what ended up happening was nothing like that. The asshole that finally slew the dragon was evidently known around the base as a player that somehow knew you were a virgin and made it his mission to change that. I never saw it coming, never had a chance. How he lured me in must have been that he appealed to me on some kind of bad boy level, I really don’t remember. Somehow, he coerced me into his barracks, into his room and then ultimately into his bed. He was such a dick, I didn’t even like him but there was just something, almost as if he was shaming me into it, making me feel like a coward if I didn’t. I don’t know how else to describe it, and then quickly, painfully and with no real softness or feeling…it was over. He had got what he came for and I was dismissed. I felt dirty and humiliated. An afterthought…never to be seen by him again.
Oh wait, before that, I made him take me to my friend’s place in Fountain. He dropped me off and then he was gone. I remember to this day the song that was playing on the radio…”goodbye stranger, it’s been nice. Hope you find your, paradise. ” A song by Supertramp, and I remember thinking that my life was changed forever. Little did I know how true that was, a few weeks later I discovered I was pregnant, just my luck. First rattle out of the box and I have to be a fertile Myrtle. I won’t go into details about what happened after that, suffice it t say, it was the worst experience of my life-something I regret doing to this day. I got through it with the help and support of my friends and life went on.
I wish I had had a better first-time story, but that is the way of life. Not everyone gets the sunshine and roses, blissful, “it was so wonderful” first-time experience I guess, I like to think it taught me a valuable lesson. Not all people are good. I had to stop viewing the world through rose-colored glasses and get tough. For a while after that, I saw no one for fear it would happen again, and just because I saw myself as damaged somehow. It didn’t last long though, I liked the boys way too much. That time in my life was my short period of freedom, away from my parents, free to make my own choices, good and bad, and eventually, I got back in the saddle. Colorado was too beautiful to waste my time crying over some arrogant ass, I was off to find my next adventure and explore everything with new and curious eyes, even if those eyes were now wide open.